The Art of Parental Involvement: Finding the “Just Right” Soup
As a child approaches upper elementary school, middle school and even into high school, it may seem counter to common wisdom that the parent should be engaged with the child's homework endeavors. Certainly, the notion that the child should be able to her work on her own is a valued goal.
For many children, though, doing homework entirely on their own is beyond their ability. To complete homework successfully, the required skills of initiating, planning or following-through may not be well developed. In fact, for about 40% of the population, these skills are very weak.
For these kids, then, parents will need to provide some level of support, recognizing that the child is largely incapable of doing it on her own.
There is an art to this parental involvement and it is not an easy skill to master. Attaining the right level of parental involvement is somewhat like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The soup may be too hot or too cold and not quite right. The "just right" soup of parental involvement is a continual challenge in terms of finding the appropriate level.
The key to strive for is to help structure the child, to help get her started, yet not do too much of the work . Some parents are resistant to this notion of offering any assistance. They feel the child should be fully independent and that she needs to do her work without any assistance.
To overcome this resistance, it may be helpful to think of the child as lost in the woods, unable to find her way out. The child simply doesn’t know where to start. To help someone find their way out of the woods, you might cue the person and say something like "Hey, have you considered following the stream?" or, "If you follow the sun, you will go in one direction."
This type of cuing is the same idea as finding the "just right" soup with parental homework involvement.
As a parent you need to be careful of not doing too much for your child. Being overly involved fosters helplessness and too much dependency. Helping a child who is “lost in the woods” to get started provides some structure, guidance and the “just right” soup.
Tags: Struggling Learners, Parental Involvement, Executive Function Weaknesses
Comments
"Just Right soup"
I struggle with this as a parent immensely. As an afterschool teacher, I can somewhat detach myself from my students and push them through, even the more challenging ones. Once in deep frustration last year, during our 2nd hour of homework I telephone my mother and asked for help. After listening to me unload my frustration, she said, well what would you do if this were one of your students? I lightbulb went off and some clarity came through. Offer variety! So I tried different strategies like 15 minutes to work then a popscicle/cinnamon toast/some snack. I took afternoon snack and broke it up into nibbles. It doesn't matter what you do, just shift and reshift, that was our key. Sometimes we do it in the car (I keep a box of supplies now) it breaks up the cycle of always doing homework same time, same place. I guess what I am trying to say, think outside the box. Another parent has index cards in her car and would let her child pick a place to go to do homework (library, coffee shop, park, home, grandma's). It worked for them and left the child to feeling like he was in control over the homework, when really they weren't, but also offered a variety.
Variety!!!
Interesting approaches!!!!
Thanks!
Just Right soup
I have struggled with this since Jon was 6. he is now 13 and has ADHD and learning differences. he needs help with organizational skills, getting started, feeling like he can do it. I leave him for 5 to 10 minutes and then come back..praise for any accomplishment. Dr. Louis Pica, a psychologist, said that the child has to "own" the homework. he needs to feel the responsibility and feel the soaring self-esteem when its done! Its never easy...not black and white when you are dealing with struggles. but breaks and praise go far in aiding success. Without a healthy self-esteem, you have a child who cant learn!
Karen: Very difficult to find
Karen:
Very difficult to find the balance. I think it's an ongoing struggle. I try and encourage staying "matter of fact" and putting it mostly on the child with a small amount of support. Now, if the work is too difficult truly then that's a different story.
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