NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: Stay Calm & End the Shenanigans

It’s that time again. You know that little pit in the stomach is forming with the start of the school year. I am sure you will be reading various articles and commentary on the top tips for having a great school year.

Here’s my number one tip – resolve to stay calm.

School problems result in a great deal of tension, anxiety and all around teeth gnashing. Most of it is unproductive. As an alternative to the yelling and reactive stress with your child, practice a different style of talking that puts responsibility where it belongs - on your child.

This style involves speaking in "matter-of-fact" tones. Effectively, your approach would be more objective and less reactive.

Take the child that I saw recently, moody Meghan, age 15. Last year, Meghan’s parents spent a lot of time and money taking Meghan to tutoring, much to her dismay. Meghan wasn’t happy about the tutoring, primarily because it interfered with her all important Facebook time.  Each week right on cue when it was time to get ready for tutoring, Meghan gave her parents an extremely hard time about going. In response, her parents engaged in yelling and screaming matches, trying to get the moody and recalcitrant Meghan to comply. It was not a pretty picture. This scene occurred twice a week over the course of the year.

When the beleaguered parents talked to me about it, I suggested to them that they adopt an "either - or" posture with Meghan. Rather than go through all the hoops to get Meghan to comply, they were coached to say something like the following:

"Meghan, we know school has been hard. We have tried to get you help. However, you resisted the tutor and gave us grief about going. We then start yelling and screaming at you. It made the household miserable. This is going to stop. We are not going to yell about it anymore. It’s going to be one way or the other. Either you approach tutoring with a reasonable attitude or you are completely on your own with your school work. You decide."

So, this year resolve to end the shenanigans.

Stop the yelling and calmly put responsibility where it belongs!