ADHD Style Kids in the Holiday Season: It’s Not All Parenting
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
It’s the holidays, that special time when families gather together and share good cheer.
Sometimes, though, seeing the relatives can be a bit stressful, especially if you have a child that tends to raise everyone’s eyebrows and cause them to “tsk tsk” while they shake their head about how the child lacks discipline.
A part of you dreads this season, because you know that right after the holidays there will be the usual buzz among the family about your parenting. The refrain (not said directly to you, but your sibling) will go something like, “I don’t care whether he’s ADHD or not, that child needs a good smack in the rear.”
Before you start buying the family buzz and blame yourself (moms tend to do this, not the dads) for all of the parenting crimes and misdemeanors you have committed, maybe parenting isn’t the primary issue.
Take five year old Samuel, a strong over-reactor type. The night time bath ritual illustrates many other stories about Samuel. Samuel and his two siblings are close enough in age and young enough to still bathe together. Two of the children (one of whom is two years old) tolerate the water temperature just fine. There are no problems in the tub.
Not Samuel. Each night when they put him in the tub he screams like his parents are pouring scalding water over him. Samuel makes a huge scene while his siblings look at him like he has gone completely bonkers.
Guess who made a huge scene at last year’s Christmas gathering, which led to all of the family tongue wagging afterward?
Right, our Samuel.
If you happen to have a Samuel type of child in your family as you go into the holidays, take this one thought with you - parenting didn’t create Samuel’s over-reactions.
If it were parenting, then why are Samuel’s two siblings not screaming when they get put in the tub? Why are they able to manage the holiday family gatherings without a fuss?
Samuel is difficult and a bit inflexible of temperament. It’s his nature. It’s who he is.
Try and not let the family eye rolling and tongue wagging get to you too much. It's in their nature to say that stuff. What can you do?
A happy and healthy holiday season to all.
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